Are you a worry waker?

I think I’ve just invented this concept, but I definitely am. I worry about what time I wake up. There’s an optimum time midweek (5.30am – 6.30am). Any later and I worry I’ve missed too much of the day. Weekends are a bit different but anything after 7.30am and I start to get all twitchy.

Then I worry about what I’m going to write, and I worry about if the thing I decide to write about is good enough. This morning I woke later than usual, having had more tequila than usual last night (thanks to the Mugsmasher), and I worried about worrying. Hence the start of this post. I was worried, then I realised I was worried, so wrote about worrying. Brains are a bit mad.

I’m also slightly worried that I had a go on an Oculus virtual reality headset last night, and it was very cool, but it also freaked me out. I was fighting red stick men, but it was very not real but real at the same time. What happens if you fall asleep with one on, and then you wake up and you don’t know where you are, and you think the furniture you’re seeing is real so you go to sit down on the nice chairs by the fire that doesn’t actually exist but you’re actually sitting on the dog? Worrying.

Especially for the dog.

I don’t imagine it’s top of the dog’s worry list though. Which going by mine would be something like:

  • When am I going out?
  • Where are we going?
  • What’s for breakfast/dinner?
  • Where are the magpies and why can’t I fly so I can eat them?
  • When am I going out?
  • Where are we going?

And so on.

What if you got an Oculus for dogs, a Dogoculus if you will? I’m sorry I said that, actually. There are some things that humans should not meddle with, and that is the reality of dogs. They are too pure. There is that robot company that makes the scary mechanical dog-beast things which are terrifying, so that’s probably as far as we should go. Just give them rubs and fun and snacks and snackie-snacks (which are the creme de la creme of treats), and let’s leave them alone.

Real dogs, just to make that clear.

The mechanical ones that are impossible to knock over and which will pursue you to the death when they are launched as robot police are a very different thing. Don’t try and tell me if I don’t do anything wrong I don’t have to worry. They could easily go rogue. Kill them with fire, I say. That probably wouldn’t work though, you’d need to melt them like a Terminator.

App idea: An app which tells you the distance between you and the nearest industrial forge.

We could launch on iOS and Android, a freemium model to get eyeballs on a hyperlocal project built around disruption with achievable KPIs with real-time user engagement. This should get the VC thought-leaders on board with their blue sky thinking, and with a built-in cryptocurrency second screen, it would be driven by millennial marketing, creating a snackable brand identity.

Name suggestions: Forj – Mlt – Liqwd – Rndr – DsOlv

I cannot believe I’ve come up with such a winning idea on the blog this morning. I’m feeling generous though, so if anyone else out there wants to do all the work, development, and financing, go right ahead. You’ll be the hero when automaton dog cops are after us all, but just give me a quick mention in the User Agreement of the app itself. Nobody ever reads that anyway, and I prefer the quiet life to be honest.

Finally for this morning, Arseblog won Best Fan Media at the FSA Awards yesterday. We were up against some really high quality opposition too, so come out on top is fantastic, and a great reflection of the work done here every day (except today, I’m well aware of that) by all the team.

To see everyone involved, check out the Arseblog News post, and to all of you out there who read and listen and take part in this community which is now in it’s 20th year (holy shit), thank you so much. It was also great that Ian Wright won Pundit of the Year, and Vivianne Miedema picked the award for Women’s Player of the Year. An Arsenal hat-trick right there.

We try our hardest to be the very best Fran Merida we can be. May the Fran be with you.

Back to worrying. I’m worried about the North London derby a bit too, but I’ll worry properly on tomorrow’s blog, full match preview there, and we’ll be doing a preview podcast for Patreon members a little later this morning.

Right, hug your dogs (real ones), and have a good Saturday.

The post Worry waking, robot dog cops, and being the best Fran Merida appeared first on Arseblog … an Arsenal blog.

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